To Go Or Not to Go: When Is A Mental Health Day Helpful?

With the first day of school right around the corner, balancing stress and discomfort against school attendance can be tricky. One of the tools available to families is a Mental Health Day.

A Mental Health Day is a day off for an individual who is feeling overwhelmed, stressed or exhausted. It allows them the space to regain the capacity to get back to the demands of daily life. 

Parents in my practice have shared that deciding whether to say yes or no to a teen’s request for a Mental Health Day can be difficult. They sometimes feel uncertain and confused about what to do if their teen continuously pleads for a mental break.

When Is A Mental Health Day Helpful?

To start, I want to acknowledge how difficult and tense these conversations often are. The “please-don’t-make-me-go” requests typically begin early in the morning, while you are rushing to get them and yourself out the door. Perfect timing, right?

Below are a couple tips to navigate this early morning conversation: 

1. Context is essential

It might not feel like you have the time, but leaning into your curiosity to understand why your teen is asking can help guide the conversation. Are they overwhelmed? Are they anxious or embarrassed about a past or upcoming social situation? Worried about schoolwork? Do they feel they have nothing to wear or they just feel blah? Did they just complete a challenging assignment or big test? Have they been experiencing bullying? Are they anxious, depressed or stressed?

Your teen may not have the words initially to explain why. This may be connected to feeling panicked or overwhelmed, and if that is the case it’s okay. Coach them through a grounding exercise to help decrease the intensity of the moment. You can use the 5 Sense Activity or Box Breathing. 

Once context is shared, you will have more clarity. This will help determine next steps.

2. When is a break helpful?

A Mental Health Day is beneficial if your teen has worked really hard that week. For example, if they pushed themselves outside their comfort zone, whether they completed an intense assignment or completed a personal goal that left them drained, depleted and/or exhausted. When the body and mind are pushed outside their typical capacity, having a day to recuperate is important. 

If you and your teen decide a mental health day is needed, encourage them to engage in a rejuvenating activity that day, such as catching up on sleep, walking, drawing, painting, playing a game or reading a book. This does not mean overscheduling the day, or pushing your teen to talk about what is bothering them, unless they want to.

3. When is a break not helpful?

A Mental Health Day is not helpful if your teen is asking for a day off because they are anxious about a test, they didn’t do their homework, they feel concerned about a social situation or they are just feeling off. It is uncomfortable to feel unprepared or nervous, and parents can acknowledge the discomfort. For example, “I get you are worried about what your teacher is going to say because you didn’t finish your homework, and it sucks. You are still going and I know you will be okay.” 

Encouraging and empowering your teen to confront, rather than give in to their anxiety helps them to learn to tolerate and push through future uncomfortable situations. 

Additional tips

If the “please-don’t-make-me-go” request was part of your morning routine last year, have the conversation proactively at a time that works for you both. Discuss the limits and boundaries around taking time off school, for example, you can let your teen know that they can take up to X amount of days off. Proactively explain why you might say no at times. 

This does not mean they will remember this conversation in the moment, and that is okay. When teens are angry, or push back and demand a break, this does not mean you are doing something wrong. This is their way of expressing that they are uncomfortable. Instead of trying to fix it or get angry at them, lean into curiosity and invite your teen to share.

If as the school year progresses your teen continues to ask for a break, or if they share that they are not doing well, adding additional support from a mental health professional may be beneficial. 

Additional Resources:

• Article: Child Mind Institute: Should KidsTake Mental Health Days?
• Podcast: Ask Dr. Lisa?: Is My Kid Really Sick? Or Just Avoiding School?