What to Expect from Family Therapy

Teens and parents are often unsure about what family therapy will look like. I have spent time with teens who feel concerned that a family therapy session might feel like being “in trouble.” Sometimes I talk to parents who worry that family sessions will become volatile, or devolve into an argument. Some parents are discouraged at the thought of needing outside support, or worry that family therapy might leave them feeling judged as parents. These are understandable concerns, and having a clearer understanding of what to expect from the process of family therapy can help put kids and adults at ease.

What is Family Therapy?

Family therapists come to sessions with the goal of building connections between family members. When our clients feel heard and understood by each other, relationships become closer and connection is strengthened. Family therapy is not generally focused on behavioural change, but changes in the home tend to happen naturally when connection and understanding grow. When we can ask for what we need safely, and trust that our needs will be well received, our defenses lower and change becomes possible.

Who Participates in Family Therapy

Sometimes an individual client will want to invite a parent or sibling in for a session or two; these family sessions can be helpful when communication feels tricky. And sometimes a family will come to family therapy as a unit to talk about something in therapy sessions that is hard to talk about at home. Not every family member will necessarily be present for every family session. Sometimes the best path forward will include reducing conflict and fostering closeness between two or three family members at a time; these decisions about who comes to the room are made collaboratively with the therapist and family members.

Common Reasons Families Seek Therapy

Families might come to therapy looking for better ways to talk about hard things. Maybe the family gets stuck whenever a particular topic comes up, or maybe serious conversation tends to devolve into conflict. The family might be facing major life transitions, like divorce, blending families, or grief and loss. Parents might be worried about their children’s safety. Sometimes a teen will bring a parent in for a family session because they want to unpack a recent argument, or because they want to disclose some news to Mom or Dad in a quiet space. Family therapy can help with all of these things. The family therapist directs traffic during conversations that might otherwise become too heated to be helpful. Your family therapist will create space for each individual to have a voice, and to feel heard by their family.

How Family Therapy Can Feel

Family sessions can be awkward! They can also feel disappointing to clients who are hoping the therapist will “side” with them, or declare them to be “right.” It can take some time for people to adjust their expectations of family therapy, and to understand it primarily as a space where everyone deserves to feel better understood. But family therapy sessions can also be fun! My family therapy sessions often include moments of laughter and levity, and these moments are special. It’s an honour for me to witness a family’s enjoyment and appreciation of each other. Family therapy can also identify points of strength in the family, and uncover feelings of gratitude and recognition that are hard to see in moments of conflict.

How Long Family Therapy Takes

Sometimes families can benefit from a couple of sessions if they are coming to address a particular problem, or find a new way of having a conversation that tends to “go south” when talked about at home. It can be impactful for an individual client to invite Mom or Dad in for even one session, if there is something that client is longing to talk about in the family. But family therapy can also be a longer process that unfolds over a period of months, while family members and their therapist work collaboratively to rebalance the family system, building connections and strengthening boundaries where needed.

Benefits of Family Therapy

Family therapy can give families new ways to talk about the hard things that we all need to address in the home. Sometimes parents will come away with new vocabulary and turns of phrase they can rely on for tough conversations. Sometimes kids will come away with a better understanding of how to ask for what they need. Sometimes there will be information disclosed in family sessions that helps clients feel understood. Whenever I hear a client in a family session say, “I didn’t know you felt that way,” or, “I had no idea you were going through that,” I know our session has been helpful. Creating a space where every family member can feel heard builds trust and connection in the family system. This creates a foundation for behavioural change, but it also creates space for closeness, appreciation and joy.