When we think of a resilient child or teen, we often imagine them as someone with inner grit, someone who can bounce back from difficult times through their determination and emotional strength. While personal strength matters, it is not the only factor that determines resilience. More often, the resilience we witness in young people is a combination of their network of relationships and their environment.
This relational understanding draws on theories of human development which highlight that a young person’s social ecology such as their family, school, peer group and extracurricular activities serve as important factors to their resilience.
Family
We begin with family. When a young person experiences stress, family acts as an emotional buffer and anchor in their life to help with adaptation and allow change to be possible. Within the family, it’s not about having a conflict-free home. Parents do not have to get it “right” all the time or have all the answers. What helps promote resilience in teens is creating a family dynamic that is built on the following relational practices:
- Consistent Supervision and Monitoring: Clear age appropriate boundaries, knowing where the young person is, who they are with and what they are experiencing can help protect the young person from unsafe situations. As a parent, adopting a non-judgmental attitude and an open mind invites more sharing from your teen. Expressing the caring intent behind supervision and monitoring also helps foster more open communication.
- Warm and Open Communication: Develop a space where the young person feels genuinely heard and supported. They will have higher emotional security and will be more likely to seek guidance during more difficult moments.
- Collaborative Problem Solving: This may look like gathering and honouring both parents and teen’s perspective and brainstorming solutions together. Families that are able to practice constructive and predictable approaches to conflict will also teach the young person how to regulate distress, negotiate disagreements and navigate life’s setbacks.
Parents have a powerful influence on the emotional climate and dynamics at home. The way parents respond to stress, conflict and challenges can help shape how their children learn to navigate them too. When parents have the support, resources, and confidence they need, they’re empowered to lead the family in a way that promotes resilience in their children. We offer parent counselling here at TCCFT, and welcome you to reach out if you need support.
School
Children and teenagers spend a significant part of their day in school and therefore school is not just about academics but a critical space for development. School can strengthen teens’ resilience by offering:
- Predictable Structure and Clear Expectations: Clear routines, transparent standards for behaviour and equitable discipline provides a sense of safety and predictability.
- A Sense of Belonging in School: When the youth feels valued and respected by being part of a larger community, their emotional well-being and academic motivation will rise. As a parent, it is helpful to encourage involvement in their school community related to their hobbies and interests.
- Supportive Adult Connections: A single teacher, coach or school guidance counsellor can be transformative for the youth. Safe, adult connections outside of the family can provide steady encouragement and protective support during emerging academic or emotional difficulties.
When parents and schools are able to co-create a space for youth, their capacity for resilience amplifies. The goal is to have open, established communications between the parent and school staff to catch minor academic or behavioural struggles before they escalate.
Peer Group
As kids enter into their teen years, peer relationships become increasingly more important. Teens are influenced by the behaviours of those they spend time with. Peer groups that engage in high-risk or antisocial behaviours may lead to behavioural, social and mental health challenges for teens. However, having positive, safe and respectful peer relationships is one of the most important developmental assets.
- Prosocial Role Modelling: Having friends who treat each other with respect, value learning and engage positively in their communities helps teens develop healthy decision making processes and adaptive coping strategies.
- Healthy Belonging and Mutual Support: The peer group offers a safe space for the youth to explore their identity, share vulnerabilities and develop empathy without having to compromise on their personal values.
- Constructive Accountability: Positive peer relationships can be a source of protective accountability and can naturally reinforce positive choices that may include staying in school, resolving conflicts peacefully and thinking about long-term goals.
Because peer dynamics are part of everyday life, parents, schools and other community leaders can become active participants in building teens’ resilience by creating a positive space for friendships to develop naturally and grow. As parents, it is helpful to invite non-judgmental and open conversations with your teen about their peers, how they treat one another and how they influence one another. If you have concerns about your teen’s peer relationships, it’s important to avoid blatant criticism and judgment, as this may lead your teen to be less open with you. Try to express curiosity, a desire to understand and express concern about the impacts you see on your teen.
Extracurricular
Structured extracurricular activities ranging from athletics, arts, leadership programs, robotics club and community volunteering can all bridge the gap between the formal school time and the unstructured free time that exists between. These activities provide an opportunity for the young person to channel the energy they have into emotional growth.
- Competence and Mastery: Through the extracurricular activity, the youth is given the opportunity to have an experience of tangible progress through their efforts. This builds self-efficacy, the belief that they can overcome challenges through persistence.
- Identity Building and Meaningful Roles: The prosocial activity provides the youth the chance to build an identity (ex. Athlete, Artist, Team Leader, Volunteer) to combat negative self-images and unwanted intrusive and irrational thoughts.
- Self-Regulation and Goal Setting: Regular practice and adherence to rules and working together toward a common goal helps teens refine their executive functioning skills and emotional self-control.
- Access to Mentors and Prosocial Networks: The extracurricular activity will naturally connect the young person to another trusted non-parent adult who can reinforce positive behaviours and expectations.
Each of these four areas, family, school, peer group and extracurricular activities, provide both risk and protection to the youth. A struggling school environment, high family stress or an association with an antisocial peer group can strain the youth’s capacity to cope. The main idea here is that not ONE single area is most important but real resilience is developed when these areas work in harmony with each other.
When parents collaborate with school staff, there is encouragement from different people to participate in structured activities and programs, they actively provide a space for positive friendships and supportive peers to emerge, ultimately creating a resilient safety net for the youth. If life’s unpredictable nature strikes one of the youth’s areas, the others can sustain the youth through the challenge.
Building resilience is not meant to be a task meant for the youth to withstand adversity alone. Instead it is a shared effort to strengthen the social systems that guide, protect and empower them everyday.
References
- Campbell, J. (2019). Social ecological model. EBSCO.
- Henggeler, S. W., Schoenwald, S. K., Borduin, C. M., Rowland, M. D., & Cunningham, P. B. (2009). Multisystemic therapy for antisocial behavior in children and adolescents (2nd ed.). The Guilford Press.
