God, the Struggle and Post-Traumatic Growth

There are a number of clients who are active in their faith that find their way to me and a few of the therapists on the team here. A handful of us on the team come from faith backgrounds and we are more than happy to explore this aspect of our clients’ lives in therapy. We talk about God in therapy and the experience of being in a faith community (for good and bad). Naturally, these conversations evolve to talk about God’s relationship to and perspective on the struggles in their lives. These are important conversations and they are also big and complex.

When we encounter deep trauma in our lives, it’s normal to ask: where is God in the mix? and what is God doing in that/through that experience?

I remember when I was in seminary, one of my profs said that the theological and faith communities have a strong and solid understanding of God being a creator and powerful. These communities have also built out a generous knowledge of God being nearby and close. But generally these communities have had less success with really knowing all of the theology and life that exists between those two understandings. Essentially, all of the stuff of God and life in the middle is more mysterious and unknown. And sorting out God’s connection to us as we experience trauma, is definitely right in that messy, middle ground. Now that I’ve been a psychotherapist for 14 years and counting, I’m inclined to agree with this prof’s assessment. God and us in trauma is messy and mysterious terrain. There are no easy or straight forward answers for questions about what is happening with God from that messy, middle space.

People who are in pain often ask: is God punishing me or abandoning me? In those moments I feel deep compassion and heartbreak. It’s pretty brutal to experience trauma and a crisis of faith simultaneously. And, sadly, they often come together.

I’ve had my own journey with these questions. For whatever reason, I’ve been given a life that has known some struggle: a family of origin with multi-generational trauma, losing a parent to cancer in my 20s, having neurodivergent kiddos of my own that are a bit medically fragile and my own diagnosis of stage 3 cancer a few years ago. All that to say, I know the fear, the shock, the pain and the loss that life can sometimes bring. I have known trauma.

While all of that adversity is real and is costly (and not to be minimized), the gifts that come with adversity are also real. I’ve known a beautiful and incredible healing journey. It has taken time and has involved a tapestry of healers, community, medical interventions, allied-health interventions, faith leaders and just good process. I have enormous gratitude for all of those people and practices.

I have experienced both post-traumatic stress and post-traumatic growth.

We started talking clinically about post-traumatic growth in the 90s. We think of it as the positive psychological change that people go through after surviving a crisis or traumatic event. It can look like:

• spiritual or emotional growth
• a deeper sense of meaning or focus in life
• a reordering of priorities
• more resilience
• more gratitude or appreciation
• an opening of ideas or possibilities in life

I am a different and a better person for this growth. On this side of post-traumatic growth, I now feel whole, hopeful and loved. I am experiencing the most peace and ease that I have ever experienced in my life.

I’m not sure that I’m ready to say that I’m grateful for the struggle. I may never be ready to say that and that’s okay. But I am so, so grateful for the human being I am because of the growth and healing.

Which brings me back to the therapy room and the beautiful people who honour me with their stories and their pain.

As clients ask questions about whether or not God is punishing or abandoning them, I give that space and a lot of compassion. That is real and deserving of all of my attention, validation and care. When the time is right, my gentle wondering with these questions are: what if God has you on a journey of growth with much more in mind for you? What if God is nudging you towards healing: being fully whole and fully who you were meant to be? What if God’s love for you is bigger and softer than what you’ve ever experienced before, even in the depths of your pain?

If you find yourself or your story in some of these questions, please reach out for support. We see teens and families here, but we also see everyone. We want to support you to feel your best and to live out your best life. We have therapists here with faith backgrounds. If you would feel most supported with one of them, let our team know and we’ll help you land with the right person for you.