Worried About A Friend? How to Support Them While Maintaining Healthy Boundaries

Posted by Marlie Standen on September 21, 2026

Supporting a friend who is struggling with their mental health can bring up a lot of different feelings. It can feel really meaningful to know you’re there for someone during hard times. There can be a sense of fulfillment, value, or even pleasant feelings when caring for and helping someone – the joy of helping. This can be especially true for those who tend to be more empathetic and sensitive. Being vulnerable and talking openly about hard things with friends can also foster a deep sense of connection, closeness, and belonging.

It’s also true that sometimes, it can feel kind of scary, stressful, and even overwhelming. You might not know what to say, how involved you should get, or what to do if your friend asks you to keep their challenges a secret. Depending on your friend’s situation, challenges, and how much other support they have, it can feel pretty isolating and heavy for you too.

It’s okay to acknowledge these difficult feelings and know that their presence doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you care a lot. It also means you are human. It’s possible to care without carrying it all. Sometimes the boundaries get blurry. You’re their friend – not their therapist or parent – and you don’t have to, nor can you, figure it all out on your own.

Way to Support Your Friend

If you’re here because you’re concerned for a friend, you’ve already done something really important: you noticed, you care, and you’re looking for ways to help. Importantly, you don’t need to “fix” what your friend is going through, nor are you able to. Often, the most helpful thing you can do as a friend is let them know they aren’t alone.

Supporting your friend may look like:

Checking-in. Saying something like “Hey, I’ve noticed you haven’t seemed yourself lately. How are you doing?” or “I noticed you’ve missed a lot of school lately. Just know I care about you and I’m here to talk if you want.” This kind of check-in can go a long way in helping your friend feel seen and cared for.
Listen. Be a compassionate listener. Give them some space to talk, without immediately trying to solve the problem or tell them what they should do. Sometimes, talking it out with a friend helps people feel less alone and come up with their own solutions or ideas for what they need.
Let them know you care. Remind them that they matter to you and that you’re here for them. Whether you do this with words, thoughtful actions or gestures, or sending a message, it will likely land well with them.
Remember the whole person. When someone is struggling with their mental health, it’s common that their challenges or the dark thoughts they have become all they see and hear. This can translate to their mental health challenges being what their friends see mostly, too. It can be really meaningful to find ways to remember, and remind a friend, of all their other qualities, too. That might mean reminiscing on good memories, highlighting what you see as their strengths or admirable qualities, or inviting them to engage in activities that they previously enjoyed doing but perhaps have fallen away from.
Encourage them to get support. You can offer to help them or go with them to talk to a parent, teacher, school counsellor, or other adult they trust.
Share ideas from your own experience. While recognizing it’s not your responsibility to “fix” things for your friend, it is okay to offer help when and how you can! You may very well have some knowledge, ideas, or coping strategies that could be helpful to your friend. I still remember the first time I felt panic, it was my best friend who got me to ground myself and breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth. Maybe you have some tools that are helpful when your emotions feel big, and asking your friend if they want to hear about them may be really helpful.
Continue to show up in the ways you are able to. You don’t have to constantly check in or always have serious conversations. Presence is a pretty powerful thing. You may invite them to do a common hobby or interest you have together, just hang out, send a funny meme, or give them a smile when you see them in the hallway.

When you care about a friend and see them suffering, it can be easy to feel like it’s your responsibility to make things better. But you can’t – and shouldn’t have to – do that alone. You can check-in, listen, remind your friend they matter, and help them find support.

You Can Care Without Carrying It All

It’s not uncommon for teens’ supporting a friend who is really struggling to experience their own feelings of anxiety or panic.

Do you ever feel anxious or uneasy when talking or texting with that friend?
If they haven’t texted you back, do you feel afraid for them?
Do you find yourself wishing they had other people they could talk to so you could have a break?
Do you have urges to avoid them?
Do you feel guilty if you need some space from them?
Do you feel exhausted and as though your patience, compassion or care is running low?

If so, please hear me when I say:

You’re not alone
These feelings do NOT mean that you don’t care nor do they mean you’re a bad friend.

Rather, these feelings are more often signs that:

Your friend needs more support than they currently have; you can’t be everything for them.
You actually care really, really deeply, and may be compromising your own boundaries, exceeding your capacity, or minimizing your own needs because of it.

Discovering our boundaries can be difficult, especially when we’re worried about someone else. We often need to ask ourselves not just “What can I do to help?”, but “what am I willing and able to do, holding in mind both their needs AND my needs?” For example, you can stay up until 3am texting them back, and, are you willing to and what is the potential cost or harm to you of doing so? Maybe you’re willing to do this one night, and maybe not willing to do it most nights.

Caring without carrying it all means having boundaries. It means you can care deeply about your friend without being on-call 24/7. It means it’s okay to take breaks and it’s okay to say No. It means it’s okay – no, it’s actually good – to spend time with other people and keep doing things that make you happy. Boundaries mean it’s okay to let yourself feel happy, joyous even, and not feel guilty for that. It’s okay to encourage them to talk to other people, too, and seek support.

Talking to Your Friend about Finding More Support

If you’re sensing that your friend is really struggling, that they rely heavily on you and don’t seem to have a lot of other support, or you feel they’d benefit from more support, it’s good to communicate that to them.

It might sound like: “I care about you and I’m worried about you. I know you’re going through a hard time. I think it’s important that you have more support. What do you think about talking to the guidance counsellor/your parents/another trusted adult? I can go with you if you want.”

If the person doesn’t want to talk to anybody else, it’s okay to say something like: “I hope you know how much I care about you and want to support you. It also really scares me that you don’t talk to anyone else about this. I can’t be the only one. I’ll be here for you, but it would mean a lot to me if you get some other support too. You deserve that.”

When Involving Others is Necessary

If your friend tells you they’re thinking of or already are hurting themselves, think about ending their life, or that they don’t feel safe, take it seriously. Involve an adult right away. If you’re not sure whether it’s “serious enough” to involve an adult, tell someone anyway. It’s not your job or responsibility to determine that, assess the level of risk, or decipher cryptic messages. You don’t have to be certain that your friend is in crisis before asking for help. Always listen to your gut.

You might fear that telling an adult will make your friend angry, upset, or feel like you’ve betrayed their trust. And it might. But when someone’s safety is at risk, the most important thing is to bring in someone who can help.

You are not responsible for keeping a dangerous secret.

Tell a trusted adult as soon as you can – a parent, teacher, school counsellor, or another adult you trust.

If you’re being asked by your friend to keep this kind of information private, it’s likely a reflection of how deep your friend’s struggles are and how badly they need help. When people are really suffering, their mind can tell them all kinds of scary things and it can make them want to keep it a secret. Your friend may be upset at the moment, but getting them the support they need is more important than keeping the situation to yourself.

Crisis Supports You Can Share With Your Friend

If your friend is in immediate danger and you’re worried they may hurt themselves, get an adult involved right away. If there is immediate danger, call 911.

You can also share these crisis supports:

9-8-8 Suicide Crisis Helpline: Call or text 9-8-8 for support 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
Kid’s Help Phone: Call 1-800-668-6868 or text CONNECT to 686868 for support 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
Toronto Distress Centres: Call 416 408-4357 or 408-HELP

Support is Available for You, Too

If you are struggling with the experience of supporting a friend through their mental health challenges, consider getting in touch about therapy for you. Individual teen counselling can be a space to express your thoughts and feelings, learn strategies to cope, and learn ways to navigate relationships, communicate difficult stuff, and maintain healthy boundaries. You’re not alone and you shouldn’t carry the weight of this on your own.